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27 February 2011 @ 07:36 pm
Since we've started going to the gym it's getting harder to hold Lindsay down during our little "sessions." The proximity of our new neighbors is something of a concern too since she starts screaming only two minutes in. Not even the whining of our pet sitting dogs was enough to drown it out tonight. Some uniformed authority figures will likely show up in a few minutes, and I'm not sure how good a job I did cleaning up the blood.

Christ, the girl bleeds like a stuck pig. It's all for the best you know. Not like she listens to my reassurances when I've got my hands clamped about her face to keep her from thrashing about too much.

I find myself disturbed by the level of enjoyment I get out of this. Much more fun then when it's a solo adventure. I mean, doing it to yourself is really more of a maintenance issue. One more task to be done at the end of the day. At least I'm a man about it. I stopped crying after the first few times, and now I only squeeze my eyes tightly shut and take care of business.

Lindsay is lucky she has someone to show her how it's done. My stepfather did it to me, and now I do it to her. Some day she'll be experienced enough to do it to herself.

I'm available for anyone else who gets canker sores and needs them burned out of their mouth with a tablet of vitamin C. It hurts like a mofo, bleeds like no one's business, but five minutes later that bad boy is completely numb and disappears in a day or two. Neat trick.
Lindsay: OMGbluepony0628 on February 28th, 2011 12:41 am (UTC)
Fuck you!!!!

I will grow a pair when we have a child. Until then ........

(I say that with love.)
Sandy: Eye in Londonloved on March 3rd, 2011 02:59 pm (UTC)
I am sorry you had to go through that. That sounds like a million different types of horrible. And I imagine Eli giggled like a small child in the middle of all of this.
Lindsay: OMGbluepony0628 on March 3rd, 2011 07:42 pm (UTC)
I knew it was coming but I still have the same reaction every time. He laughed maniacally while throwing his head back, it was quite the show.

Maybe we should have children sooner than later; only so the torture can then be passed to them and I will be free ... to protect them of course. :P
Sandy: GA: Evil Spawnloved on March 3rd, 2011 08:18 pm (UTC)
Hahaha. I feel like after that, I'd just want to wait the canker sore out! Having children would certainly help that. Or perhaps Eli needs one of those Big Brother/Big Sister people. I bet the parent would really like the lessons that could be taught...
erbnerbn on March 4th, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)
I tried to keep the giggling to a minimum, but yes, I did cackle a couple of times. It's the only form of passive aggression I have to get back at her for all the pinching. :p
erbnerbn on March 4th, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)
You know you love it. You keep coming back for more!
Evil Asian Geniuseag on February 28th, 2011 09:57 am (UTC)
How long do you have to press the tablet against the sore?
erbnerbn on March 4th, 2011 09:52 pm (UTC)
It varies, but a minute or so of gentle rubbing is usually enough to do it. Once the sore opens and bleeds a decent amount you're usually done. Basically once it goes numb and stops hurting you're good. It sounds awful, and the process looks ghastly, but it's 60 seconds of intense burning versus 3-4 days of annoying canker sore antics. Plus, it's satisfying as hell to burn that lil bastard out. I've seen a lot of gentler remedies (hydrogen peroxide, milk of magnesia, etc.) but this always works well for me. Lindsay too, or she stop asking me to do it. :p
Christy: Bleach - Hanatarou - back awayvelessa on March 1st, 2011 11:05 pm (UTC)
"Burned"? That sounds rather unpleasant...
erbnerbn on March 4th, 2011 09:53 pm (UTC)
It is! But it's 60 seconds of unpleasantness that turns into pleasant numbness, vs. 3 to 4 days of canker sore pain. The burning feels so good!
erbn: dance corgierbn on April 25th, 2012 03:22 pm (UTC)